What if, if I lost myself?

Never though I will reach that low;
I am in the lowest of the low.
You're expecting me to let go the pain.
But, I can't forget the situations.

I am having one more drink to forget, but I can't.
People seem to always remember how you behaved to them,
but they avoid to think how bad they were to you.

Never thought I would be that lost;
I am lost in the chaos expecting the message to go out.
I'm pretending everything's fine.
But, you are hurting.

And I have taken more than I can bare, but I can't change it.
I lost the direction
somewhere between the situations and the narration.
I am still waiting a divine sign, I don't want to be alone.
But, I am pushing everyone against the wall.
I am suffocating from all the people around me.

What if, if I lost connections?
Can't hold anymore.
What if, if I lost myself?
I am so tired to seek out for my parts.