Blues^ Scene 239/85-95
*a boy is sitting on the road, talking on the phone/ the streets are empty, the lighting is low, almost turned off. the boy is wearing black clothing and he is sad.
- I've been holding so tight my phone because I've been waiting for your call
- don't blame me, it's not my fault
- i wish I could call you but I can't
- i do that, everyday
- but I am not fine, my demons are fighting
- but I can't fill that void inside you
- whispers " I wish you could "
- hello? Are you still there?
- why do you do that to me?
- what do I do?
- it's not fair, you are not fair towards me
- life is not fair
- but it's not my fault
- i though that you could just save me but no one can save me but myself
- do you mean that I am not helping you?
- i mean that I am always alone- no one is really there, physically- here to help me.
- i told you to stay
- i am not that selfish to keep you here- away from what you love and what you need. This is love
- but if you are feeling sad because of that
- i feel sad because I am not capable of things, my temper is
- is not fair
- I wanna die, i am lonely and sad
- i am trying to help you but you don't see it
- you are drunk, you can't understand what you say
- i am tired, it's been two years without relaxing
- whispers " my life has been like that since i was born "
- i am not responsible for that, and by that, you want me to be sad too because you are not fine?
- i just wanna be loved, insanely. i have to go
- i can't deal with it anymore
- your mood, it's killing me
- i am already dead
- what do you want me to do?
- i am going home all alone, and the reason i called was because i needed someone to take me there,
i am afraid of the loneliness i got, i don't like it when i have to walk the way home all by myself.
I am not afraid of the streets or the people, i am afraid of myself and i just wanted some company
- i can't talk with you for 20 minutes- i am out
- i am not saying to talk for 20 minutes, just for a few
- i am running out of battery
- whispers " lies? i don't care, i am so empty"
- i am leaving
- send me a message to call you when you're home
the message: i am going home
the message : i wish that you could just understand me, this void that you are talking about it doesn't need to be filled, it is already filled with nothingness, i just needed to love me with it. it seems that it is not that easy and not everyone can do that- but i wish the things were different. in another life, i wouldn't be like that. i wouldn't be broken, you would have what you deserve but i am not like that now and i am sorry.
*never received a call
- i wish i could show you what it feels to be embraced by the silence.
hollow inside, like you don't know yourself.
the things changing from time to time,
you can't even control yourself.
it's like a summer shower, it starts out of the blue and it is raining for hours without stopping.
you are drown, the moisture on your body makes the skin so sticky that you can't take it away/ this is what it feels like being me.
having the spaces between your fingers empty/ having your spaces between your heart filled with plastic lies because it has been tearing apart.
it feels like a wave in the sea, it's not easy being me,
it's coming with so much pressure towards you,
it throws you down on the ground and you don't, you can't stand up on your own feet.
the darkness that you see is nothing between the darkness i see/ i comfort myself, i feel like the demons know how to cease when it's there.
sometimes i can't look myself in the mirror cause i need your hands upon my skin to feel save, i need your lips to save me from the waves and your eyes to take away the moisture.
all the things i say, i can't explain. i wish i could but it seems i am not good.