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Showing posts from 2016

Worry

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Do you ever ask yourself if you feel alright? Do you ever feel the silence tearing your walls down?
Do you ever need your voice to fade like you said goodbye? I worry a lot.
What if, I am wasting my years? What if, I am wasting my time? I keep on reminiscing the old times.
Who's living a life in the same line with me? Is it just me or is it a dream? They say "I don't know who you are now", but they never asked to learn.
I become tired, easily. Does it matter?
The lust overcomes the skin I wear, becomes something to have; someone to own, someone to love, someone to care, someone to worry about; anything to cover the absenceness in time.
I cross a line to a meaningful life; does it matter if i am mirroring the egocentric love to you? I don't know who I became between the phone-calls. I got tangled in the telephone wires. I suffocate in this chaotic atmosphere.  I worry a lot about the things I don't know.
What if, I am wasting my human substance? What if, I co…

Betrayed

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I might regret all the things I said,
but I feel weightless tonight.
I can't be afraid of speaking my mind,
but I know I shoulda feel something at times.

The white flags turned out to be red,
now the air's thicker and I suffocate.
I might feel lonely tonight,
but I am smart enough to trick my mind.

If I want to let go, the way out is not that long.
I can't change who I am
cause I will become who I am not.

It's better to live a loveless life than a lie,
but it's in me and I can't be treated like your enemy.
I only take responsibility for my words.

It's time to talk about the things I love.
It's time to talk about the things that are right and wrong.
It's time to grow my roots old.

The white flags won't wave for a long time,
now the atmosphere is cold I can't revolve.
I might feel lonely tonight,
but I need to be solely owned by my mind.

If you want to stay, then stop fighting over who I am not.
I can't change who I am  cause I will becom…

Lost Stars

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You bought the sky, exclusively made it yours;
owning it like you owned your life till the end.
You chose the best seat, watching over me;
shining some light when I feel lost within.

Words are not enough when it comes to goodbyes,
and I didn't even have the chance to say it aloud.
But you are always going to be mine,
the brightest star shining upon me.

In the name of lights I am still, waiting for a call;
but there are no codes to the universe's hacks.
Patiently waiting for a divine sign;
I look at the sky trying to find you but even if I did
I wouldn't be able to own you;
we have grown apart.

Oh, it's hard to own you but
oh, it's harder to own me.
Time is between us.
We are born to die alone; solipsistic love to sow the seeds of what we become.

You always said "it's not gonna change much" but it actually changed a lot.
It's what you became,
It's who I am now.
It's what I became.
It's who you are now.
It's what we are.
It's wh…

Neon Lights

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I broke your heart and I didn't care
I made you cry but I felt like it's okay.
Hushed to vanish before you notice.
But the neon lights betray you in the night.

Too much to handle,
I regret it and I can't control it.
But I am begging you to forget it.
Come back and hold me tight,
let's try it for one last time.
I miss the times you were trying to catch me
under the neon lights like it's the last time.

Hit me with your best shot,
hit me with your best ace.
Make me fall for you,
harder and harder we now go.
Make me recall everything I did to you.
But don't let me go.

I lied to myself when I said "I don't love you" and "I don't want you"
cause deep in me I can't let this love go.
Being bound to a sad life by the disco lights;
shinning just for some cold love.
I had fun some nights but
I was crawling back home alone while
I was feeling every part of you coming alive.

Seeing your face in all the colours,
in all the patterns, in all th…

Happy

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I've been low for a long time.
I was so used to frowning, to crying, to...,
my lips could only form a leer.

Couldn't enjoy the silence, it was so tiring.
Its humming made me so weak I couldn't even walk out of it.
Couldn't rest myself in bed and let the dreams flow in me.
I was wide awake and locked in someone else for someone else.

I still create unflattering plots but I know when to stop.
I might don't hang out with friends a lot and I might lock the door
but I learnt what it means to feel happy after being sickening lonely.

I've been sad, I've been alone
but after all, the sorrow was borrowed.
I am all the way up from this pit of lies.
All the way up.
I don't look down.

Finally, I feel happy and
it's not about the company or the place,
nor about love or hate.
nor about the past or present
it's about the person I was carrying with me.
I am free.

Never thought that I could smile and mean it,
always thought that I was superficially happy.
I sti…

💭lektron💭

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Devoured by the spirits of hell
Devoured by the mania of play
A euphoric pain but expensive
A delusional life full of flowers
They surround me with their thorns
A syncopated sound
A synchronised voice - belting off.

Silence embraces the body
We are all animals learning
Echoic sound plays plainly
Stuck into a plate
Ready to be eaten like a fish
Ethereal timing to be killed.

Don't want to know whether to fall or walk
Don't want to know whether to let go or not
Lights shine bright
Lights dry me high - ah
Just wanted to be seen
Just wanted to be shaken
Only when we were drinking you saw my smile
Only when we were fucking you saw my inner light

Liquor and pink dreams
Bloody pins
All my dreams are lost in the dreamland of lust
A soul without home
A home without land
Nowhere to rest my weary soul
Killed by the red lights of love
Tattooed by the scars of life
I want back my youth and virginity
Selcouth roots.

Compulsive repetition of an act
Compulsive repetition of compulsiveness
No…

Ashes to Bricks

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Unconscious space and hollow time;
all i feel is wrong and locked.
Inside a pool of lies i swim and i try.

I try to blame you, I try to blame her
but this is not a way to get through.
I thought I would be better than that
but the words left me scars and memories that burn at night.

It's just the way i felt when i tried to escape,
but there's no escape from life.

Yeah, i see it all.
I see it all now.
You can't make it through
but life ain't fair, it's just not fair
no matter if you think about it twice.

Embrace the pain, the madness and the chaos
if you want to find peace in your mind.
There's no way to cure it once it starts
it will devour you all, from head to toe
if you try to build a wall and put another brick, it'll end you in seconds.

Upside down and you are on the ceiling;
you cry while you sewing the threads of time
you cry while you prepare the weapons for your final fight.
Taking down every-wall that's been built up to protect you.

Think twice…

Monday to Friday

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Living life on repeat is what i lately feel, from Monday to Sunday the same old feelings. A new week but i'm still blue;  won't change till you're free. A new month but i'm still blue; keeping it all in won't make it better.
Making the bed from scratch won't solve the problem cause it's not the sheets or wooden boards. Thinking about thinking all the philosophic worries, it annoys me i never spoke about me.
Morning time, facing a plastic smile on the mirror. Washing face and teeth with expensive products i bought. All the inside cry though can't be hidden anymore, black circles and tiredness is noticed.
Changing the sleep-clothes won't make it more comfortable cause it's not the silk or fury fabric the problem here. Nor the non branded stuff or the luxury ones will make you feel better, anyway.
Night time, crawling back painfully to the mattress. No rest for the weary life. All the worries take life and flesh at night. Feel every inch of my bod…

Into the Wild

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Pink champagne on the floor,
all my memories have gone wild.
I put the puzzle pieces next to each other,
trying to solve the mystery;
why do you keep coming back to me?

Couldn't tell you all the things I wished but
at least you taught me how to laugh.
You made me see all the light within even though
we lived all the years apart
you grew up within me
like a tree and I can't fall without you.

I shake my leaves, waiting for Spring
to bloom all the blossoms I keep.
I shake my leaves, waiting for Winter
to ditch all the darkness I keep.

I've accepted all the mistakes, but I miss you.
God knows what I've been through,
tried to keep the covers up but
I couldn't hold on.

Didn't have the mind to keep my heart on track,
forgive me but I was young;
forgiveness is not enough but I recall all that matters at night.
You made me see the meaning in life,
the meaning of life.

Through me fingers I held your breath,
i felt it when you exhaled it.
You've been waiting but I…

🌊 Death 🌊

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Lonely but one and only;
may I don't want to leave this earth as
I feel young inside.
A reckless heart beats intensively all the time.
But, history taught us that we expire somehow.
Nobody lives forever;
forever does not exist,
it can't be found in this human race, only in acts survive.

Don't want to die as nobody,
there is a history we need to write.
I want to be a part
or
belong to somebody;
feel love.

I won't stand to die alone,
but
I ain't live a life, can't choose it all.
There is no trust only thrust in our minds;
a sea full of mice scratching the wounds we got from
the broken promises and lies that flow in our human race.

It's difficult to have it all.
Lonely heart but crowded body;
one to own and one to provide.
You might own both but I will risk it if I had to die in your embrace;
we might not be remembered but for us
history will choose a different path.

I may wanna die but I don't want to be nobody;
I want to belong to you, you.
Forever us, …

🌊 Chrysanthemum 🌊

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"I want to grow up" I wished when I was a kid, but now I feel stupid that I wanted to be a real thing. I wished "I want to be an adult and have it all" but I couldn't see how hard it is to blossom a tree.
Waking up on a Monday morning but I cant stop dreaming cherries;
they are so sweet and sour like life which is suicidal and lovely at the same time.
You don't wanna taste the ugly truth but it comes with the beautiful lies.

I've seen the world with different eyes, couldn't see the death in it.
Immortal wanted to be but time feels empty now and I can't say the same.
Wish I could skip that part and see how a Chrysanthemum comes to life.

I wish I was as clean as a Chrysanthemum
its petals are so light and white, they can't hide a lie.
So virgin and pure that you can feel their infinity love -
they don't drink much cause they will be dead before their youth.

"I grew up" I said to myself when I became 20 but I couldn't see wha…

🌊 SILK 🌊

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I want to know who I am, looking to the mirror wondering who I really see. Is it something? Is it someone? or a figure staring back? It's me, or is it me? A reflection of my perception tricking me, I am like a creep staring to a piece of glass
but some don't know it's trillion of atoms who make us, and me.
We gotta learn a lot before we move one. We are uneducated and we don't know how to behave. We gotta learn about love before we talk We are uneducated and we don't know how to show love. There is not love about ourselves; and we trying to learn from all the magazines  but I can't fit cause it's me.
Perhaps because I am weak after the year of 2015 it's been depressing and suffering. I can't fight away, I can't sleep, I can't think, so, I will drink and get numb to my bed while I laugh cause I am unloved.
I feel like I can't time any more; but truth is that I can't put everything to the right place,
it annoys me;
Then I think how we…

Buy love/I had to tell so many prayers

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We cannot make it alone - but together - we can do anything.
I reached the bottom and I traded love for anything
- buy my heart - buy me eyes - they have a price.
It wasn't silly thoughts in the middle of the night - but - you fools you can't understand how badly I suffered 15 years from no-love.
Asked myself; should I take off my glasses? Should I see the real world? It's painful living without love. Still it's not a real world
Still it's not a real world
Still it's not a real world
Still it's not a real world
Still it's not a real world
I was looking for a home where my missing puzzle piece would fit but I couldn't realise - understand - I was looking for a thrill -
since people couldn't understand me, but far from home I've seen  that home is where you are and you feel free from white lies. No noise of what you feel.
I told them I can make it alone - I thought -
but I knew deep down that I cannot. I was in need for love but I was so rebel …

I Heard You Talking In Your Sleep

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I heard you:

There are whispers in your room and the windows shut their blinders too, but for how long?
But then I thought, don't you know that whispers are heard only the wicked ones?
I bet I thought I could tear the walls and open the door, but it took me by surprise - I sat down and tried to grow up and realise.

And may my heart is keep me wicked, but I could stay out and wait for a sound -
cause in the past; I creped to the walls for some light and to the doors' knob for a sweet lie.
I tried to kill them all and look through the key hole but I couldn't fit without Alice's pills.
No visual imagery has been seen -

You talking:

Then they screamed to my baby;
how much longer can you wait and listen to this madness?
You are about to lose your mind too - darling, darling,
you can't keep on watching him leaning on the door without pushing it and open it.
Don't you listen the silence echoing inside? But you don't reply;

How can you heard someone from a lock-down…

Fear

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Fear not the darkness but the ones with the blinded soul,
fear not the light hearted but the ones with no willing to accept the unknown.
No other place can accept a lost soul apart from a body;
a body which is not strong.

Thee may not exist in the sky but exist in the eyes of a heretic mind,
subconscious freedom which is built for survival, like solipsist in their own mind.
Since the moon was never that close, to shine above the memorial oceans.

It's not to be preferred to suffer when you go but to hold it inside,
a prison of mind and it can't escape, a heretic child with no fate.
Life is not be thought, cause darkness will outgrow - just let it flow.

Fear not the human but the heart that is growing apart from love,
fear not the lust which a body may sick but don't forget the way it takes it.
Dark photographs had snapped the terror of them, with scratches from hate
which are presented.

Day may be short during the Winter but this is where all are tested for it,
the IT may …

Solipsist 111702

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Whispers "You kept me walking on a wire all this time – you thought I was against you
but, I was there to save what was left"
.
I was waving white flags for some reason but you thought that was a completion
of acting.
I felt sorry so many times for you but it seems you have never learnt the reasons.
I came undone and you drew the lines of my portrait -
I came undone and you drew the lines of my reflections.
You said you were going to be there to watch me growing,
but you drew me with the true colours you felt for me.
Red for my rage, black for my broken pieces and blue for the blues I was carrying.
You saw the good parts but you kept it for your own joy.
I chose my battles and I was ready for attack but then the tables have turned.
I realised that I don’t wanna fight any-more cause you were trying to hard but if
you would have been more concentrated and you have shown me that all this time
I was walking between the lines of truth and lies,
between the lines of pain and joy. I w…