Happy

I've been low for a long time.
I was so used to frowning, to crying, to...,
my lips could only form a leer.

Couldn't enjoy the silence, it was so tiring.
Its humming made me so weak I couldn't even walk out of it.
Couldn't rest myself in bed and let the dreams flow in me.
I was wide awake and locked in someone else for someone else.

I still create unflattering plots but I know when to stop.
I might don't hang out with friends a lot and I might lock the door
but I learnt what it means to feel happy after being sickening lonely.

I've been sad, I've been alone
but after all, the sorrow was borrowed.
I am all the way up from this pit of lies.
All the way up.
I don't look down.

Finally, I feel happy and
it's not about the company or the place,
nor about love or hate.
nor about the past or present
it's about the person I was carrying with me.
I am free.

Never thought that I could smile and mean it,
always thought that I was superficially happy.
I still hear them calling but I am ignoring.
Finally! After all these tears;
I am happy.